Surviving financial abuse is tough. Moving on and letting go of one’s resentment towards her abuser can be challenging. I can’t say when it becomes clear when one needs to stop wanting revenge. Or needs to stop talking about what happened with anger and bile. But there comes a time.
Being financially abused is devastating and causes lifelong scars.
Holding onto the anger and resentment isn’t healthy, and it can hold you back in your recovery.
If you believe that what you focus on is what you get, like I do, then staying hung up in your anger and resentment will hold back your progress. Learning not to stay focused on your ex and all the harm he caused you may seem unnecessary, but I beg to differ. I think it is part of your healing journey to learn to let go. Again and again. Because the bitterness will come back, again and again. And each time you need to recognize it for what it is and let it go. Easier said than done, for sure. I’m here to encourage you to learn to recognize when you start to let the negative thoughts drag you back into the bitterness.
It might be as simple as having to buy new shoes for your child for back to school and realizing you don’t have the extra money right now for that necessity. Or it might be not qualifying for a loan because you are still tied to your ex because of a bankruptcy. Big or small, doesn’t matter. If it’s a financial trigger for you, then it’s important to recognize that’s what it is and figure out how to let it go.
Noticing when you get angry is the first step.
Letting it go is the next step. Again, easier said than done. When you get triggered and feel yourself sliding back into rage, stop and evaluate what might help you let it go.
For some it might be taking deep breaths or meditating. For others it might be more aggressive, like pummeling a punching bag or kicking the shit out of your opponent in the kickboxing ring. Doesn’t matter what you need, that’s a personal choice. But figuring it out will go a long way to helping you move on.
If you stay tied up in the negative, it’s hard for your money story to change. It’s hard for money to flow in when you are focused on a negative money script.
The next step is affirming something positive instead of holding on to the negative. I’m a big proponent of affirmations. Repeated consistently. When I was first breaking free of my marriage, I spent a lot of time on my bicycle sweating to the rhythm of my pedal strokes, repeating whatever affirmation drove me forward at the time.
Maybe you’re more of a writer and would do better writing out your affirmations every day. Repeating how strong and fierce you are financially. Or reminding yourself that you’ve made peace with your past.
Do whatever releases the negative and lets you focus on moving forward.
If affirmations aren’t your thing, then figure out what helps rewrite the tapes in your head. Then when you find yourself slipping into the emotions of your old money story, you can redirect yourself to a more positive forward-looking place.
It’s all about letting go and moving on.
Recovery means allowing goodness and financial recovery to flow to you.
If you are still holding onto the past, you are blocking the financial abundance you deserve. And remember, letting go must happen over and over. It’s a journey. Rewrite your story as you go along, don’t stay stuck in the past. Goodness will come when you are ready.
Sherry Lutz Herrington is the owner of Sherrington Financial Fitness, a business consulting and accounting firm specializing in strategic business planning and solid financial accounting for businesses. She is also the author of Strong Women Thriving (https://strongwomenthriving.com/), a blog which focuses on empowering women to be financially savvy, particularly after experiencing financial abuse. Sherry is currently writing a new book that both shares her personal story and addresses financial abuse. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Join our FB group https://www.facebook.com/groups/womensurivingfinancialabuse